Letter to my child and Party time

Letter to my Child:

Kadijah Marie Harris, 16 years ago you came into my life as a gift from GOD. At that point in my life i was young, reckless and hopeless, with a fatalistic outlook on life. Your birth changed my entire world and how i viewed it. You gave me the motivation to always push forward in life and make sure i am growing and learning everyday. You make me strive to be the best father, friend, and man I can be. There has been times when i have disappointed you, and times where my mistakes have caused pain in our lives, and for those times please forgive me and always know, that I Love You with all my heart and that i work everyday to never make those mistakes again.

Now you are growing into a intelligent, compassionate and beautifully spirited young woman and i pray that you always cherish those attributes, because they are cornerstones of life. The world is yours for the taking, and i pray that you take advantage of your gifts and allow the rest of the world to see the greatness that i see in you.

Hopefully, one day you will look back on your life and be proud of the contributions you have made and will continue to make to the world. You have an opportunity to create the life you want to lead, refuse to settle, work hard everyday and push to be the best. "Shoot for the Moon, because even if you fall you will land among the STARS".

I truly believe, You are only limited by the limits you create for yourself, and if you refuse to limit yourself, then you life will be boundless and bountiful.

I can not express to you how much i Love you in words, i just hope my actions reflect that Love. Thank you for being who you are, don't change that for anyone, EVER.

I LOVE YOU, DADDY

Party Time

Hey Friends and Family,

I know its been a while and i get yelled at all the time for not posting frequently enough. I do really try to wait till i am truly inspired to blog. The small things i keep to Facebook.

Well this weekend my baby girl turned 16 years old. For the past two weeks with the feeling that Kadijah is getting older and growing up, and that i am honestly not "ready"for her to grow up. When i sat and really processed it i realized that its not at all about ME, its about her.

I often question if we have given her the tools she needs to be successful in life, and being the overbearing father i am, i feel like i am way behind in filling up her life toolbox. It's amazing how quickly she has grown up and that next year she'll be graduating high school and heading off to college. We're already having the conversation about her visiting schools and i shutter when i think about it. So i am a man on a mission trying to look at all the things i want her to have on her life map when she leaves the home. So for the next year, Kadijah, BE READY :)

On another note, her party was fantastic, it was held at the YMCA in Worcester and the Y staff was a fantastic help. A extra special thank you to my Aunt Brenda, Nate, Mike J, Khalil, and Angel for helping set up and clean up, we REALLY appreciate your help. Also extra special thanks to Paul, for hosting the nights festivities, Amador for spinning the records and Kwame for making sure we have it immortalized on video.

Anyhow,

Below are a few of the party pictures. Enjoy!!!!

Is there always a Silver Lining

Hello Friends,


I decided that i needed to blog today to vent my frustration. Have you ever had so many great plans and ideas laid out and ready to be executed and then something derails you, and it breaks your spirit. Well, that is my summer. I was planning on restarting my Fathers Day hiking trip this year, I had a new workout i was beginning, paintballing season, all of that was halted by a restrained achilles diagnosis. Now i have no choice but to take some time off, exactly 4-6 weeks. So needless to say, THAT SUCKS.









With all that being said, I refuse to be depressed about it. Life hands you lemons...... On a lighter note, other than the leg stuff, i have had a fabulous last 2 weeks.




I had to go away for 3 days for work. The New England Institute for Prevention Studies was held in beautiful Bristol R.I. this year.


I was 50 yards away from the Atlantic with a gorgeous ocean view. As stressed out as I was when i got there, i left with a totally different feeling. My blood pressure was a lot lower and i helped me regroup and refocus. It really is amazing how the sounds and smell of the ocean can be such a stress reliever. I had actually forgotten how great it feels to be there, so i decided that i am going to make sure i take a day at the ocean more regularly.

Even though it was a work break, it didn't feel at all like working, and life needs to fell like that more often. In our busy lives we constantly run and run without taking time to slow down and relax. So please people, make sure you take some time and RELAX.




After returning from R.I. i gathered my troops (wife and kids), and we headed to Connecticut for Our oldest adopted daughters wedding. I was truly so honored and blessed to be involved in their wedding. It was a beautiful occasion. My baby has truly come such a long way from the rebellious teenager that gave us constant headaches, to a hardworking woman, mother and wife and i am so proud of her. Walking her down the aisle really tested my emotions and had me sucking back tears. Her new husband Damon is a great man and we love to have him as part of this family. We had a great weekend. The whole family looked fantastic and the food was great. There are a few pictures below. Enjoy.


Now we are moving on to our next journey, summer vacation, somewhere in the mountains. I'll keep you posted.


"We are what we repeatedly do, Excellence therefore is not an act, but a habit"

Cyber hug to all Mothers - You deserve the World.

Hello again friends,

Being that Mothers Day is upon us. I felt it remiss to not give a big cyber hug and kiss to all the mothers i know. Cliche as it sounds, you truly are the backbone of our lives.

Sometimes we take our Mothers, wives and girlfriends for granted and not really show them how much we appreciate them. By mothers i am not speaking strictly of the ones that birthed us, but all of the influential, nurturing mother figures we have in our lives. Me personally i have several people that i should be thanking on a daily basis and this is my attempt to let them know that i love and appreciate all that you have done and continue to do for me. Although Mothers Day comes once a year, i want you to all know you are in my heart all the time. This is my Mothers Day Card to all mothers in my life. Thank you....


My Mother and Grandmother

MA- The fact that you live half way across the country is sometimes a struggle for me. No matter how old you get, sometimes you just need your momma. :) I am truly grateful of the relationship we have. I love and appreciate you for the person you are, and i know you feel the same.
I also know that sometimes you worries about me that i am doing too much and never slow down, but i do it so you and everyone else can be proud of the man i am striving to become. We have that telepathy, when something is wrong, you know when to call me. We have grown together more in the past few years, than we ever have before, and i am glad that is the case. I am so proud of you, that it bring tears to my eyes to even write it. You really are a Great mother. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!

Nana- You have had a profound impact on my life, and you are a huge inspiration to me. Although you are also 2000 miles away, i still hear your lessons ringing in my ears all the time. I often find myself sounding like you or my mother, And it drives me crazy :) Your love never ceases to amaze me, and i pray that one day you will realize the gifts that you have given me are tools i will cherish my entire life.
To the both of you, THANK YOU with all my heart.

Thank you both for loving and believing in me, even when i didn't believe in myself.

My wife, partner and friend,

Liza- You have been by my side through the best and worst of times, without fail or falter you stood strong and pulled me through. You are the greatest mother my kids could have ever asked for. You inspire our daughter to have strength and resilience through all adversity and inspire me to do my best. Being married to me is one of the hardest jobs anyone could sign on for, and you do it with no complaint, at least not out loud :) You refuse to let me give up and make sure i do everything i can to give back. Thank you for being my partner in this journey. I LOVE YOU.


All My surrogates
In addition, i have so many surrogate mothers also looking out for me and making sure i stay in my place :)
My aunts Brenda, Laney and Cookie, my mother-in-law Iluminada, my good friend Yvonne, my baby sister Cathy and of course my greatest role model Lynne Simonds.
You are all very special to me and i appreciate your influence on my life. You know when i am down, or need to be slapped around to get back on task. You refuse to let me fail and applaud when i succeed, and i thank you for that. Whether it has been for advice, or just an ear to vent to you have all looked out for me. A Happy Mothers Day to you all.

In closing,
Please remember the sacrifices the women in our lives have made for us and make sure that we show them some extra special love, not only on Sunday, but everyday !

Who have we touched??????

HELLO TO ALL,
I have realized that i don't blog often enough, my friends ask me all the time when am i going to put up another post. With my current schedule sometimes life is so crazy that i don't have the appropriate time or subject matter. Every once in a while something will really hit me that i feel the need to write about, and this time it came out of tragedy, but hopefully this post can help me and others get through.

Just recently i had a young man in one of my programs die, it really hurt me, because I was just becoming really close with him and saw a great future for him based on the changes he was making in his life. As usual, when someone we know dies we usually think about our own lives. Whether we like it or not, after we pass life will continue to go on, and the world will not stop spinning.
Yeah, people will grieve and cry for a while, but above those close to us, what impact have we left on others in the world?



"It is not enough to prepare our children for the world, we also must prepare the world for our children. by Luis J. Rodriguez".

My supervisor and mentor Jose Rivera has that posted on his wall, I love that quote, because it tells me that i have not done enough and encourages me to do more for the world larger than just my own immediate family. I always said that if i was able to raise my kids in a way that was conducive to them living great and productive lives, then that was enough for me. As i reflect on that approach, i truly believe now, that it is not enough. Of course my priority is for all my brats, biological and adopted, Kadijah, Koran, Jose, Ive and Yaji, to know how much i LOVE them and understand the messages i have tried to instill in them. More importantly, that they use these messages to make life better for themselves as well as others.

Watching all the kids in my family grow up so rapidly, i realize that i have not fully had the impact i have need to have. I haven't been able to spend the kind of time that i would like to with all my nieces, nephews and little cousins. I feel like we have really lost a sense of who we are as a family and need to get back on task. This family has lost so much in terms of the battles with substance use and abuse, incarceration, and lack of guidance that we have a generation that doesn't fully understand our struggles. Our job as leaders in this family is to make sure they have the tools they will need to be successful, and thus far we have dropped the ball. We need to refocus and get back on course so our kids don't make the mistakes we made and suffer the consequences of our failure.




"Our backgrounds and circumstances may define who we are, but only We are responsible for who we become".

I love my parents and all the gifts they gave me, but that wasn't always the case. When i was a teenager i harbored a lot of anger and pain about things i felt that i missed in my youth.
Of course i loved them, but at the same time i resented them for me not having a COSBY SHOW upbringing. Now i realize that living that life has made me the man i am today, and would not change it for the world. GOD has been abundant with the blessings that he has given me. So many people have influenced me to do positive things with my life and for that i am eternally grateful, so i feel it is my obligation to do the same for someone else. If we all take this approach and reach out to someone and influence them in a positive way our world could be so much different. We never know who is in need of a hug, kind word or smile.

In closing, i want to mention, one of my other outlets for helping people through tough times is my blog and i appreciate you taking your time to read it, and hope that is some way it resonates with you. Also if you have any suggestions for me making it better please tell me. Feel free to click on the comments tab as well and have your say.

Thanks for giving me your time,

Sean Michael Harris



"Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking." H. Jackson Brown, Jr



follow me on twitter @ www. twitter.com/seanmharris

Love and Happiness

Over the past few weeks, i have been doing a lot of processing of the correlation between Love and Happiness. It is the most overused, but under utilized word in the English language. As the great Rev. AL Green informed us, "It can make you do wrong, it can make you do right".

After numerous conversations with people about the alleged Chris Brown/Rihanna reconciliation, watching the docu-movie "Diary of a Tired Black Man" and several times watching Why did i get Married i decided i wanted to write about LOVE.......

Domestic Violence is now popular again.....I was having a conversation this week with some friends about - why rihanna would go back to chris brown after their "incident". Every female that was in the discussion was saying "shes a fool, i can't believe she would go back with him" and all those things people are saying. The funniest part being a few of these women are in situations as bad if not worse, but refuse to acknowledge it and just gloss it over. They say they stay because they are in LOVE, but rihanna, doesn't have that excuse as an option. I really don't have too much to harp on about this. I think domestic violence is a horrible thing that no one should have to experience. At the same time there are millions of women going through this daily, some even in our own families and we don't give them the same energy, advice or care that we do for someone like Rihanna, that we don't even know, so on that note NEXT....

What makes us complete?

So many of us believe that our worth and/or destiny is defined by our relationship status. I know so many people that feel like they are not complete if they are not in a relationship. This was my approach for a long time as well. I didn't understand what it was like to be "alone" and the value it can have. So i made sure i was in multiple relationships at once just in case one or even two failed, which obviously became a self-fulfilling prophecy, because how would they not fail if i wasn't in them 100% . As i spent more time "finding myself" i realized that i could be "alone" but not be lonely. I think that gave me the tools to be better in my friendships and relationships.

Diary ........

I came across a movie on the internet called "Diary of a tired black man", the original clip was so intriguing that I rented it and we watched it at home. I didn't realize that t was actually a documentary about love and it sparked some debate about the topic. The movie is from the perspective of looking at love and relationships among blacks, but i think the discussion transcends race. It really delves into the discussion about dragging past baggage into current relationships. I think the movie is a great discussion stirrer. Take a second and check out the link to the movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz7BZSfYpls

Do the Work!

Is being unhappy, but in love more important than being happy and alone? I think the answer, as in most things, lies with each individual. Personally, though it pains me to hear of people stay in dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships citing "LOVE" as their motive. "I love him or her"..... All well knowing that the relationship is doing more harm than good.

How many of us can honestly look at the pros and cons of our relationships/friendships and take the necessary steps to fix them or leave them. It's far easier to stay and deal with the cons, then to be honest and leave. I am not advocating walking out on any relationship without attempting to do the work to fix it, but when it's obvious it's run its course, let it go.

I don't profess to be a relationship/marriage counselor at all, hell if i was a woman i probably would not have married me :) but one thing i do know is that relationships are a lot of work. Many of us go through our lives not understanding that a good healthy love can make us fly. A true healthy relationship should build us up, not tear us down, if it seems that there are more bad times than good or more misery than happiness than maybe we need to re-evaluate. There are so many tools available for people having tough times, but sometimes we are just too proud to access them. We must learn to humble ourselves for the things we believe in, and DO THE WORK !!!!!

Peace

The fight

Hola friends,

I'm back again, just felt the need to write and find some solace through all of the madness of the story that is my life. Blogging is actually a great catharsis for me, so i hope you don't mind me revealing my world to you through my words.

Last night I did a speaking engagement at Anna Maria College for teachers working on their Masters Degrees, It was on the impact of education on children of color, and the lack of diversity among educators, and how the educational systems failures effect the community. In the midst of the discussion the subject of depression came up and was a good topic for a few minutes on how hard it is for any child to learn when they are depressed.

Very few people know that i have and still do suffer with serious bouts of depression. It's a secret that i have held onto for a long time. The number of people that know, well before now, could be counted on three fingers, including myself.

It's funny, because in my daily work i talk with people all the time about the need to let go of our secrets to find and fix ourselves, but i wasn't practicing what i preached when it came to the issue of depression. It becomes really tough, because I can usually tell when it's coming, so i try to use the appropriate copings skills that i have put in place so it doesnt disrupt my daily existence and i can just keep "going".

After fighting this fight for so long, i have become pretty good at not letting it knock me back, or even slow me down. Most of the time i just want to be left alone for 2-3 days and i will be fine, but with the dogged pace that i keep and the number of things i have going on, thats damn near impossible. I did a lot of research on the best ways of dealing with depression and decided that some of the "traditional" ways i had no interest in. For that reason, i have implemented my own "treatment" that has seemed to work very well.

Music has always been my release to get me through anything and everything in life, now in combination with that it has become running, which is the reason that it really sucks that i have injured my foot. I guess metaphorically, running would seem like it wouldn't work, since it symbolizes my escape from the issues, but it is actually becoming the opposite, it gives me time and space to just be with ME and confront my demons and create my action plan to deal with them. Hopefully, blogging, with my music on of course, will give me a third option.

Now that i understand depression better, it really has given me great insite into why i did a lot of things i did when i was younger, i always rationalized it in different ways, but i know it was the depression.

I often wonder how many others go through what i do. I also wonder how many don't have the coping skills and turn to other ways of numbing themselves from their depression. I truly believe that a lot of substance abuse, suicide, violence and other ills are a result of people not really understanding whats going on in our heads and hearts and thinking that the pain can only be solved by things not already in us, i think the opposite is true, for me anyway. I know and understand that my depression can be dealt with by the tools i already have and i thank GOD that those tools are present in my life. I also know that i have great people that I surround myself with that i love and cherish dearly and they don't even realize how much they help me . Most of whom that know me will read this and say HOLY SH*T, I never knew that depression was even an issue in his life. I realize that one more step in winning the fight is to not fight alone.

In closing, i just want all of us to remember that there are so many people like myself fighting this invisible battle inside and may need a person to help them through. Please listen to the people you love and if you can, BE THAT PERSON. It makes all the difference in the world.

Until next time....