A letter to my father........

I guess this has been a long time coming and warranted. In doing so, I have to write this letter, knowing that you may never see it or read it, but hoping that you will. This is not written in an attempt to hurt, blame or shame you in any way or capacity, but this has to happen for me to grow as a man, move past the hurt and stop carrying the pain that sits with me daily.

There are patterns of dysfunction that exist in nearly every family and most relationships, sometimes far more toxic than other times. In our case, I chased an illusive, invisible ghost of a man that i once wanted to exactly like, both good and bad. I remember as a child yearning so bad for you to say you were proud of me, to never hear it when i needed it most. Now as a grown man, I'm still waiting.

For a long time i had convinced myself that i was over the fact that you refuse to be a father, but I was wrong. I know this because of the flood of emotion I feel when i hear your name, or more recently, see you. It proves to me that i have lots of work to do to get past your lack of responsibility as a father.

I remember for years being so angry at my mom for taking me to visit you in jail, that i swore that i would NEVER subject myself to that kind of pain again. Trying to love someone through a prison glass and on a prison phone is not a "normal" approach to father/son bonding, but it became our "norm", and i refuse to perpetuate that cycle of dysfunction in my life.

Part of me recovering my happiness and joy has to come from moving past the things that i didn't get not having you when i needed you most. I am doing that by working with other fathers to make sure they also see the dysfunction and correct it, so our next generation don't miss out on the real message about manhood and what a responsible father does for and with his children.

As a young man, i used to ask GOD why doesn't my father love me enough to be the man that i need him to be. Now as a man i realize that you may not have had all the tools you needed when i needed you, but the father that you were not, helped make me the father, and man that i am. It gave me the resilience to fight through the hard things and come out polished on the other end, it made me take a different approach in working with men with substance abuse issues and how they interact with their kids, in trying to make sure another generation of young men don't feel the pain that I felt as a boy/man

It hurts me to think that we have not yet reached the point that we can sit down as men and apologize for all that we have gone through together and separately. On the rare occasions, that we do see each other, once or twice per decade, our conversations are a cruel reminder of the fact that our relationship has very little to no value to you. Our interaction is so shallow and superficial that it feels as if I'm talking to a stranger. To some extent I am, because we really do not know each other, you have no clue who I have become as a man.

For a long time I blamed you for all of my anger, angst and anxiety, but in reality you never forced me to make bad decisions, maybe our relationship influenced those decisions, but ultimately,I own my mistakes. I hope that some day, you do the same. In an effort to get through the pain and hurt i know i must forgive and move on, this hasn't been easy and hopefully I will get to that point, soon. Not for you, but for ME. I refuse to carry the burden of our failed relationship and allow that to impact my emotional well being and effect my life any further. I don't have space in my life or heart for the pain, anger or hate, it consumes way too much of me and limits the great things I have to offer the people in my life.

In closing, I realize that this letter may not be easy to read, but it can't be half as hard as it was for me to write it. Again, this isn't an attempt at guilt, its about my growth and closure with the demons I've struggled with for so long.

Signing Off

Sean M. Harris

Shedding the weight.....While getting what i need.

My Year in 5Th Gear

Shedding the extra weight................

Hello all my friends out there. Well its been quite a while, I really should apologize, but i have just been way too busy to write. Which should never happen considering that it's where i find my solace. I have been re inspired recently to get my writing Jones back. 2010 has brought me a renewed sense of self as well as a sense of urgency like I've never felt before. At the beginning of every year I, like millions of others, make my resolutions for how my year will be different. Sometimes I do very well in achieving them, sometimes, not so well.

One of my main resolutions is that I am going to really look at and evaluate the relationships that I have in my life, and re-evaluate those that have fallen by the wayside. Its sad to say, but the people we have in our lives are not always the ones that allow to be ourselves, and sometimes the people in our inner circle are less supportive than those outside of it. With that being so, I really feel the need to have, keep and create only meaningful positive relationships. If the relationship has no value for me, there is no need to have it as a part of my life. It may sound selfish, but thats where I am at in my life.

Last fall I started on my new diet and began working out to create a healthier lifestyle and recreate myself physically. It never occurred to me that it wasn't only my eating habits that were keeping me unhealthy. I also needed an emotional, spiritual and psychological diet as well; so in addition to shedding my extra pounds, I am working to shed the extra weight that I carry in my heart, mind and soul. Some of that extra weight will come in the form of friendships, mentor ships and other commitments. For me, that is what shedding the extra weight has to entail. It will take a lot of work and some heartache along the way for sure, but i know this HAS to happen. Eliminating things and/or people from our lives is never easy, but is often necessary.

I believe that sometimes we find inspiration and affirmation in places we never expected, at the times we need it most. Recently a good friend of mine suggested a new book for my personal library. I wasn't able to get it right away, which actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because when i did get it i was going through a bit of personal turmoil. I came across a a paragraph on page 2 and it really put a huge part of my issue in perspective. It's crazy how a work of fiction can correlate so well with real life situations. The timing was perfect. A paragraph in MIDNIGHT by Sister Souljah has reaffirmed that i am heading in the direction that i need to be heading with the approach that i need to take. Its amazing how sometimes we can get what we need, in places where we least expect it.

In closing, I want to say thanks to all that inspire me to be the best me i can be. I also thank those that still doubt and judge me, it is your inspiration that drives me as well. To all my family, friends and followers thanks for taking your time to read my work. I really do appreciate you. Until we meet again.....

Sean Michael

Letter to my child and Party time

Letter to my Child:

Kadijah Marie Harris, 16 years ago you came into my life as a gift from GOD. At that point in my life i was young, reckless and hopeless, with a fatalistic outlook on life. Your birth changed my entire world and how i viewed it. You gave me the motivation to always push forward in life and make sure i am growing and learning everyday. You make me strive to be the best father, friend, and man I can be. There has been times when i have disappointed you, and times where my mistakes have caused pain in our lives, and for those times please forgive me and always know, that I Love You with all my heart and that i work everyday to never make those mistakes again.

Now you are growing into a intelligent, compassionate and beautifully spirited young woman and i pray that you always cherish those attributes, because they are cornerstones of life. The world is yours for the taking, and i pray that you take advantage of your gifts and allow the rest of the world to see the greatness that i see in you.

Hopefully, one day you will look back on your life and be proud of the contributions you have made and will continue to make to the world. You have an opportunity to create the life you want to lead, refuse to settle, work hard everyday and push to be the best. "Shoot for the Moon, because even if you fall you will land among the STARS".

I truly believe, You are only limited by the limits you create for yourself, and if you refuse to limit yourself, then you life will be boundless and bountiful.

I can not express to you how much i Love you in words, i just hope my actions reflect that Love. Thank you for being who you are, don't change that for anyone, EVER.

I LOVE YOU, DADDY

Party Time

Hey Friends and Family,

I know its been a while and i get yelled at all the time for not posting frequently enough. I do really try to wait till i am truly inspired to blog. The small things i keep to Facebook.

Well this weekend my baby girl turned 16 years old. For the past two weeks with the feeling that Kadijah is getting older and growing up, and that i am honestly not "ready"for her to grow up. When i sat and really processed it i realized that its not at all about ME, its about her.

I often question if we have given her the tools she needs to be successful in life, and being the overbearing father i am, i feel like i am way behind in filling up her life toolbox. It's amazing how quickly she has grown up and that next year she'll be graduating high school and heading off to college. We're already having the conversation about her visiting schools and i shutter when i think about it. So i am a man on a mission trying to look at all the things i want her to have on her life map when she leaves the home. So for the next year, Kadijah, BE READY :)

On another note, her party was fantastic, it was held at the YMCA in Worcester and the Y staff was a fantastic help. A extra special thank you to my Aunt Brenda, Nate, Mike J, Khalil, and Angel for helping set up and clean up, we REALLY appreciate your help. Also extra special thanks to Paul, for hosting the nights festivities, Amador for spinning the records and Kwame for making sure we have it immortalized on video.

Anyhow,

Below are a few of the party pictures. Enjoy!!!!

Is there always a Silver Lining

Hello Friends,


I decided that i needed to blog today to vent my frustration. Have you ever had so many great plans and ideas laid out and ready to be executed and then something derails you, and it breaks your spirit. Well, that is my summer. I was planning on restarting my Fathers Day hiking trip this year, I had a new workout i was beginning, paintballing season, all of that was halted by a restrained achilles diagnosis. Now i have no choice but to take some time off, exactly 4-6 weeks. So needless to say, THAT SUCKS.









With all that being said, I refuse to be depressed about it. Life hands you lemons...... On a lighter note, other than the leg stuff, i have had a fabulous last 2 weeks.




I had to go away for 3 days for work. The New England Institute for Prevention Studies was held in beautiful Bristol R.I. this year.


I was 50 yards away from the Atlantic with a gorgeous ocean view. As stressed out as I was when i got there, i left with a totally different feeling. My blood pressure was a lot lower and i helped me regroup and refocus. It really is amazing how the sounds and smell of the ocean can be such a stress reliever. I had actually forgotten how great it feels to be there, so i decided that i am going to make sure i take a day at the ocean more regularly.

Even though it was a work break, it didn't feel at all like working, and life needs to fell like that more often. In our busy lives we constantly run and run without taking time to slow down and relax. So please people, make sure you take some time and RELAX.




After returning from R.I. i gathered my troops (wife and kids), and we headed to Connecticut for Our oldest adopted daughters wedding. I was truly so honored and blessed to be involved in their wedding. It was a beautiful occasion. My baby has truly come such a long way from the rebellious teenager that gave us constant headaches, to a hardworking woman, mother and wife and i am so proud of her. Walking her down the aisle really tested my emotions and had me sucking back tears. Her new husband Damon is a great man and we love to have him as part of this family. We had a great weekend. The whole family looked fantastic and the food was great. There are a few pictures below. Enjoy.


Now we are moving on to our next journey, summer vacation, somewhere in the mountains. I'll keep you posted.


"We are what we repeatedly do, Excellence therefore is not an act, but a habit"

Cyber hug to all Mothers - You deserve the World.

Hello again friends,

Being that Mothers Day is upon us. I felt it remiss to not give a big cyber hug and kiss to all the mothers i know. Cliche as it sounds, you truly are the backbone of our lives.

Sometimes we take our Mothers, wives and girlfriends for granted and not really show them how much we appreciate them. By mothers i am not speaking strictly of the ones that birthed us, but all of the influential, nurturing mother figures we have in our lives. Me personally i have several people that i should be thanking on a daily basis and this is my attempt to let them know that i love and appreciate all that you have done and continue to do for me. Although Mothers Day comes once a year, i want you to all know you are in my heart all the time. This is my Mothers Day Card to all mothers in my life. Thank you....


My Mother and Grandmother

MA- The fact that you live half way across the country is sometimes a struggle for me. No matter how old you get, sometimes you just need your momma. :) I am truly grateful of the relationship we have. I love and appreciate you for the person you are, and i know you feel the same.
I also know that sometimes you worries about me that i am doing too much and never slow down, but i do it so you and everyone else can be proud of the man i am striving to become. We have that telepathy, when something is wrong, you know when to call me. We have grown together more in the past few years, than we ever have before, and i am glad that is the case. I am so proud of you, that it bring tears to my eyes to even write it. You really are a Great mother. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!

Nana- You have had a profound impact on my life, and you are a huge inspiration to me. Although you are also 2000 miles away, i still hear your lessons ringing in my ears all the time. I often find myself sounding like you or my mother, And it drives me crazy :) Your love never ceases to amaze me, and i pray that one day you will realize the gifts that you have given me are tools i will cherish my entire life.
To the both of you, THANK YOU with all my heart.

Thank you both for loving and believing in me, even when i didn't believe in myself.

My wife, partner and friend,

Liza- You have been by my side through the best and worst of times, without fail or falter you stood strong and pulled me through. You are the greatest mother my kids could have ever asked for. You inspire our daughter to have strength and resilience through all adversity and inspire me to do my best. Being married to me is one of the hardest jobs anyone could sign on for, and you do it with no complaint, at least not out loud :) You refuse to let me give up and make sure i do everything i can to give back. Thank you for being my partner in this journey. I LOVE YOU.


All My surrogates
In addition, i have so many surrogate mothers also looking out for me and making sure i stay in my place :)
My aunts Brenda, Laney and Cookie, my mother-in-law Iluminada, my good friend Yvonne, my baby sister Cathy and of course my greatest role model Lynne Simonds.
You are all very special to me and i appreciate your influence on my life. You know when i am down, or need to be slapped around to get back on task. You refuse to let me fail and applaud when i succeed, and i thank you for that. Whether it has been for advice, or just an ear to vent to you have all looked out for me. A Happy Mothers Day to you all.

In closing,
Please remember the sacrifices the women in our lives have made for us and make sure that we show them some extra special love, not only on Sunday, but everyday !

Who have we touched??????

HELLO TO ALL,
I have realized that i don't blog often enough, my friends ask me all the time when am i going to put up another post. With my current schedule sometimes life is so crazy that i don't have the appropriate time or subject matter. Every once in a while something will really hit me that i feel the need to write about, and this time it came out of tragedy, but hopefully this post can help me and others get through.

Just recently i had a young man in one of my programs die, it really hurt me, because I was just becoming really close with him and saw a great future for him based on the changes he was making in his life. As usual, when someone we know dies we usually think about our own lives. Whether we like it or not, after we pass life will continue to go on, and the world will not stop spinning.
Yeah, people will grieve and cry for a while, but above those close to us, what impact have we left on others in the world?



"It is not enough to prepare our children for the world, we also must prepare the world for our children. by Luis J. Rodriguez".

My supervisor and mentor Jose Rivera has that posted on his wall, I love that quote, because it tells me that i have not done enough and encourages me to do more for the world larger than just my own immediate family. I always said that if i was able to raise my kids in a way that was conducive to them living great and productive lives, then that was enough for me. As i reflect on that approach, i truly believe now, that it is not enough. Of course my priority is for all my brats, biological and adopted, Kadijah, Koran, Jose, Ive and Yaji, to know how much i LOVE them and understand the messages i have tried to instill in them. More importantly, that they use these messages to make life better for themselves as well as others.

Watching all the kids in my family grow up so rapidly, i realize that i have not fully had the impact i have need to have. I haven't been able to spend the kind of time that i would like to with all my nieces, nephews and little cousins. I feel like we have really lost a sense of who we are as a family and need to get back on task. This family has lost so much in terms of the battles with substance use and abuse, incarceration, and lack of guidance that we have a generation that doesn't fully understand our struggles. Our job as leaders in this family is to make sure they have the tools they will need to be successful, and thus far we have dropped the ball. We need to refocus and get back on course so our kids don't make the mistakes we made and suffer the consequences of our failure.




"Our backgrounds and circumstances may define who we are, but only We are responsible for who we become".

I love my parents and all the gifts they gave me, but that wasn't always the case. When i was a teenager i harbored a lot of anger and pain about things i felt that i missed in my youth.
Of course i loved them, but at the same time i resented them for me not having a COSBY SHOW upbringing. Now i realize that living that life has made me the man i am today, and would not change it for the world. GOD has been abundant with the blessings that he has given me. So many people have influenced me to do positive things with my life and for that i am eternally grateful, so i feel it is my obligation to do the same for someone else. If we all take this approach and reach out to someone and influence them in a positive way our world could be so much different. We never know who is in need of a hug, kind word or smile.

In closing, i want to mention, one of my other outlets for helping people through tough times is my blog and i appreciate you taking your time to read it, and hope that is some way it resonates with you. Also if you have any suggestions for me making it better please tell me. Feel free to click on the comments tab as well and have your say.

Thanks for giving me your time,

Sean Michael Harris



"Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking." H. Jackson Brown, Jr



follow me on twitter @ www. twitter.com/seanmharris

Love and Happiness

Over the past few weeks, i have been doing a lot of processing of the correlation between Love and Happiness. It is the most overused, but under utilized word in the English language. As the great Rev. AL Green informed us, "It can make you do wrong, it can make you do right".

After numerous conversations with people about the alleged Chris Brown/Rihanna reconciliation, watching the docu-movie "Diary of a Tired Black Man" and several times watching Why did i get Married i decided i wanted to write about LOVE.......

Domestic Violence is now popular again.....I was having a conversation this week with some friends about - why rihanna would go back to chris brown after their "incident". Every female that was in the discussion was saying "shes a fool, i can't believe she would go back with him" and all those things people are saying. The funniest part being a few of these women are in situations as bad if not worse, but refuse to acknowledge it and just gloss it over. They say they stay because they are in LOVE, but rihanna, doesn't have that excuse as an option. I really don't have too much to harp on about this. I think domestic violence is a horrible thing that no one should have to experience. At the same time there are millions of women going through this daily, some even in our own families and we don't give them the same energy, advice or care that we do for someone like Rihanna, that we don't even know, so on that note NEXT....

What makes us complete?

So many of us believe that our worth and/or destiny is defined by our relationship status. I know so many people that feel like they are not complete if they are not in a relationship. This was my approach for a long time as well. I didn't understand what it was like to be "alone" and the value it can have. So i made sure i was in multiple relationships at once just in case one or even two failed, which obviously became a self-fulfilling prophecy, because how would they not fail if i wasn't in them 100% . As i spent more time "finding myself" i realized that i could be "alone" but not be lonely. I think that gave me the tools to be better in my friendships and relationships.

Diary ........

I came across a movie on the internet called "Diary of a tired black man", the original clip was so intriguing that I rented it and we watched it at home. I didn't realize that t was actually a documentary about love and it sparked some debate about the topic. The movie is from the perspective of looking at love and relationships among blacks, but i think the discussion transcends race. It really delves into the discussion about dragging past baggage into current relationships. I think the movie is a great discussion stirrer. Take a second and check out the link to the movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz7BZSfYpls

Do the Work!

Is being unhappy, but in love more important than being happy and alone? I think the answer, as in most things, lies with each individual. Personally, though it pains me to hear of people stay in dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships citing "LOVE" as their motive. "I love him or her"..... All well knowing that the relationship is doing more harm than good.

How many of us can honestly look at the pros and cons of our relationships/friendships and take the necessary steps to fix them or leave them. It's far easier to stay and deal with the cons, then to be honest and leave. I am not advocating walking out on any relationship without attempting to do the work to fix it, but when it's obvious it's run its course, let it go.

I don't profess to be a relationship/marriage counselor at all, hell if i was a woman i probably would not have married me :) but one thing i do know is that relationships are a lot of work. Many of us go through our lives not understanding that a good healthy love can make us fly. A true healthy relationship should build us up, not tear us down, if it seems that there are more bad times than good or more misery than happiness than maybe we need to re-evaluate. There are so many tools available for people having tough times, but sometimes we are just too proud to access them. We must learn to humble ourselves for the things we believe in, and DO THE WORK !!!!!

Peace