Over the past few weeks, i have been doing a lot of processing of the correlation between Love and Happiness. It is the most overused, but under utilized word in the English language. As the great Rev. AL Green informed us, "It can make you do wrong, it can make you do right".
After numerous conversations with people about the alleged Chris Brown/Rihanna reconciliation, watching the docu-movie "Diary of a Tired Black Man" and several times watching Why did i get Married i decided i wanted to write about LOVE.......
Domestic Violence is now popular again.....I was having a conversation this week with some friends about - why rihanna would go back to chris brown after their "incident". Every female that was in the discussion was saying "shes a fool, i can't believe she would go back with him" and all those things people are saying. The funniest part being a few of these women are in situations as bad if not worse, but refuse to acknowledge it and just gloss it over. They say they stay because they are in LOVE, but rihanna, doesn't have that excuse as an option. I really don't have too much to harp on about this. I think domestic violence is a horrible thing that no one should have to experience. At the same time there are millions of women going through this daily, some even in our own families and we don't give them the same energy, advice or care that we do for someone like Rihanna, that we don't even know, so on that note NEXT....
What makes us complete?
So many of us believe that our worth and/or destiny is defined by our relationship status. I know so many people that feel like they are not complete if they are not in a relationship. This was my approach for a long time as well. I didn't understand what it was like to be "alone" and the value it can have. So i made sure i was in multiple relationships at once just in case one or even two failed, which obviously became a self-fulfilling prophecy, because how would they not fail if i wasn't in them 100% . As i spent more time "finding myself" i realized that i could be "alone" but not be lonely. I think that gave me the tools to be better in my friendships and relationships.
Diary ........
I came across a movie on the internet called "Diary of a tired black man", the original clip was so intriguing that I rented it and we watched it at home. I didn't realize that t was actually a documentary about love and it sparked some debate about the topic. The movie is from the perspective of looking at love and relationships among blacks, but i think the discussion transcends race. It really delves into the discussion about dragging past baggage into current relationships. I think the movie is a great discussion stirrer. Take a second and check out the link to the movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz7BZSfYpls
Do the Work!
Is being unhappy, but in love more important than being happy and alone? I think the answer, as in most things, lies with each individual. Personally, though it pains me to hear of people stay in dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships citing "LOVE" as their motive. "I love him or her"..... All well knowing that the relationship is doing more harm than good.
How many of us can honestly look at the pros and cons of our relationships/friendships and take the necessary steps to fix them or leave them. It's far easier to stay and deal with the cons, then to be honest and leave. I am not advocating walking out on any relationship without attempting to do the work to fix it, but when it's obvious it's run its course, let it go.
I don't profess to be a relationship/marriage counselor at all, hell if i was a woman i probably would not have married me :) but one thing i do know is that relationships are a lot of work. Many of us go through our lives not understanding that
a good healthy love can make us fly. A true healthy relationship should build us up, not tear us down, if it seems that there are more bad times than good or more misery than happiness than maybe we need to re-evaluate. There are so many tools available for people having tough times, but sometimes we are just too proud to access them. We must learn to humble ourselves for the things we believe in, and DO THE WORK !!!!!
Peace
